Much of the content below is taken from Tony Robbins' interviews and seminars. I highly suggest looking into his work! I hope that this post puts your golf into perspective when comparing it to the grand scheme of life.
I love what Sean Foley has to say, "I've never met a person who's had an original thought. My principles and philosophies come from Dr. King, Malcolm X, Ghandi, and many others who I found interesting. I've never made any of this up. But what you have to do I think to be successful is to compile information to where it works for you. It might not work for someone else, but this is what I've found that works for me. I see everything the way I did as a sixteen year old, I can just explain it more and clarify it more."
Conquering Fear
The point where you say "that's it, no more" is where you actually face you fears and actually change.
One thing to get rid of fear is to find within yourself something you fear more. Give yourself no choice but to take action.
You must take massive action and face your fear multiple times until you finally realize that that tension in your body, that sweat on your hands, that shaking feeling is just your body preparing for action. You can give these feelings a fear connotation or you can give these feelings a "getting ready" connotation. It all comes back to the meaning that you give your emotions and feelings. "I'm getting ready for action" vs. "I'm so scared!" The former will put you in a more directed, focused state where you direct your nervous/ anxiety/ andrenaline towards overcoming the obstacle
what is the only thing that is holding people back from what they are really moving towards? It's the only thing that ever really stops people from breaking through. We all can give reasons for where we want to be, we can all give external descriptions about our past. But the only reason that people don't just take their life and do something to change it is FEAR. I think fear stands for "F*** everything and run!" When you're scared you just want to get away; "it's fight or flight," you either want to battle it out because you have that adrenaline or you want to bust of there. No matter what happens or has happened in our lives, if we want to be more than the moment, then some part of us has to deal with fear in a different way.
In my experience now working with 4 million people from over a hundred countries around the world, from the most successful people to the most challenged, everybody has two primary fears: We are all afraid at some level that we are not enough. We are afraid we're not strong enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, not pretty enough, not athletic enough, not playful enough, not funny enough, not authentic enough, etc. everybody's got something...but haven't you had a time in your life when you thought, "oh my god, I'm not enough" for someone that matters or for something that matters. If you are honest, you know that the answer is yes. And even if you're doing great right now, this fear doesn't go away, it shows up at some stage of your life; There will be some stage where you don't feel like you are enough and that's one of the sickest feelings a human being can feel inside, you feel like nothing, like worthless. And to feel like you are not enough, that you're worthless as bad as that is leads to the second deeper fear, which is we all fear that if we are not enough then I won't be loved. Why? Well first of all Love is oxygen to the human soul isn't it? I mean even if people say that they don't want it, we all want some form of connection, that depth, we crave it. When babies are born, if they are not physically loved, held/ touched, if they are not given that kinesthetic connection, they can die. In fact they derive something called "failure to thrive" syndrome any doctor can tell you what it is. They can't explain how it works, but they know that if those babies don't get that physical touch, that love, they literally die.
That's how important it is to human beings, yet most of us are so scared of love, not only are we scared of love, we're afraid that we can have it taken away, we are afraid to have our hopes brought up, we're afraid that being in a place where we have that sense of excitement and liveliness and we can have it dashed. So lots of people out of that fear or loss of that love try to mitigate, try to lower their expectations for their life, for their business, for their relationship. But lowering your expectations doesn't make you feel alive, it just makes you feel a little less pain, a little more numb. It's not an answer for love passion and all those things I know you'd want otherwise you wouldn't be here listening to me or keep reading on. Speaking to you through this medium is a nice way for you and I to have a stimulating trigger of each other because all that I share with you is all that I've learned from me and all the millions of people I've had the privilege to touch.
And I've learned not because I'm so smart, but because I learned these mistakes over and over again and I got tired of it. I'm sure you've done the same. I'm sure you've done something so many times until one day you went and stated "no more!" And that's the breakthrough moment, it's where you confront the fear and do it in spite of the fear. It's where you stop telling yourself a story of where you can't do it, you don't have the time, you don't have the energy, you don't have the money, it's easy for other people. We've all got a story of why we are not where we want to be because you have two choices: either face your fear that says, "oh my god, maybe I'm not strong enough, smart enough, committed enough, determined enough to do this, and I'm not enough or I won't be loved" or I got a story about how its not my fault. I've got a story about how its not my fault, how something in the environment happened, how something in my past, or that I'm gonna do it in the future. You have either results, or a story. Because most of us, we don't want to face that fear.
And you know what's amazing? We have this fear that we are not enough, but human beings when they put everything on the line, they can pull off just about anything they're committed to. Not everything, you don't always get what you want, you don't always achieve your goals or your dreams, but sometimes when you don't get your goals or dreams, you get something better. For example you may not get what you want, but in pursuing that goal or dream you become something more than you ever dreamed of. You develop that courage, that determination, that compassion, or that playfulness, or the faith that somehow in other parts of your life when it's needed its there.
It's like an emotional muscle. When other people pull back and everyone says, "oh I don't know what to do," you're just like, "Move, I'll handle it!" Because you've faced so many things, you've got in the face of fear so many times that it's something you know, and it's something you know you can handle. That doesn't mean that it doesn't scare you or that it doesn't make you fight or flight, that doesn't mean it doesn't show up, it means that you don't let it run your life. Fear for most people is like going to court and having only the prosecution give their case, they tell you all the reasons why it can't happen, and if you buy it, if you don't listen to someone who stands up and defends and says, "here's why we should do this" pretty soon our mind takes over. And the deep part of our mind is so fearful because its trying to protect us and make sure that we can survive (10:20).
It takes more than just the animal part of you to achieve what you want to achieve in your life of joy, fulfillment, accomplishment, your contribution to your family, your society. If it's going to be something significant and meaningful, some part of you is going to have to face those fears again and again. The way you take back your life and live is that you must murder fear. And the only way to murder fear is by massive action! There's no rocket science here. Don't get me wrong we should figure what to do with the right plan, right strategy, but ultimately you've just got to do stuff to figure it out! The only way you're going to get over the fear of getting across that room to that man or that woman is just to go do it so many times that fear becomes somebody you know. And pretty soon it's not fear, it's confidence. It's not an unknown anymore.
A Peak State of Mind
Tony Robbins Seminar in Japan, 2007
Our state of mind can change within a heartbeat. It all depends on what we focus on and what our physiology is. The question is: how many of us have made lousy decisions and good decisions? The number 1 factor is the state you are in. We need to be able to change our state quickly. If you do the same thing with your body, your focus, you perform better. We can change other people's state completely. Its not how smart you are, its how smart you are right now! Its not how loving you are, its how loving you are right now. To find your physiological cues/ buttons to put you in your peak state, you have to act out the extremes of different states.
Physiology
The first way and most important way is to radically change the way you physically use your body. Of those four ways of greeting people, the way of greeting like you just saw a long lost friend or lover is the way that makes us feel the best. The mindset here is to wake up and use your nervous system in a whole new way. So you do things differently. Who here is going to change? It will only change if you change your state! It will not change by you learning more information by itself. Information without emotion is not retained. It's the emotion that changes things. What we need to do is remember that emotion is created by motion. the more you use of your body, the more you will feel, and the more you will do, and the more successful you will become. Anyone who has that capacity can put it into gear when they need to. Why do you want to succeed, why do you want to achieve, why do you want to make a difference?
Pull is much more powerful than push. This man who is lazy is not lazy. He has goals that don't pull him enough, that don't excite him enough, he doesn't believe in it enough, its not real enough (38:49). So of course he's lazy,we're all lazy when we have nothing to look forward to and nothing strong enough to pull us. But we can change that in a heartbeat. But the way you have to change it, is you have to change your body first, because if you ask somebody in this state: what do you want: "I don't know..." what do you think you want, "I don't know...maybe more money...maybe a better relationship, maybe a better job...." and what do you think the chances of this person ever getting any of that is? Zero! Because there's no animation!
But if you've got somebody who's totally in a peak state, you go what do you want? They go "I'll tell you what I want!!!" And they're in a very different place. So we want to get in that place. So here's what we're going to do, shake your body out, we're going to take this to another level. You go Tony what are we going to do, take our clothes off? haha no, we're going to celebrate for no good reason just because we chose to. Here's what I mean: most people spend a life where they have very little joy. It's not because joy isn't there. It's because they think life has to be a certain way, and then they can feel joy for a moment sometime in the future. What I want you to experience is total unrelenting, crazy, kid-like, passion, joy and celebration. Now here's what's interesting, most people never do this, do they? Very rarely. Now I'm telling you this is because, most people celebrate when there's a baby: "oh my god, it's a boy/ it's a girl!" And they may hug a stranger, and its ok! People also celebrate when they finish school: "yeah I did it! Oh shit now I have to go to work." When a local sports team wins a national championship (40:51)
Atmosphere can drastically change physiology. When you are in a stadium with 50,000 people, there is suddenly an intensity and we feel that energy consciously and/or subconsciously (Ex: Going to the library to study is easier because there is a studying vibe that we feel either consciously or subconsciously). The energy can motivate us to go past our perceived limits and boundaries that we have set up. The energy of an arena can dramatically increase our excitement levels while the energy of a prison can dramatically sober our spirit. Bottom line, our follow through comes from our emotional intensity. You have to have strong enough reasons to push yourself through to get through the tough times. You don't let the fear take you over when you have strong enough reasons. They can be positive or negative reasons. "If I don't do this, this is what it will cost me," "if I do do this, this is what I'll gain" Reasons come, first answers come second.
Focus
The first way and most important way is to radically change the way you physically use your body. What's going to determine your life's destiny once you leave this seminar? Is it the conditions of this world? The world can be lousy yet you can be happy. "Our biography affects us if we chose to live there. Nothing I say can change your life. If you decide to take an action. Whatever you focus on you feel and move towards. Where focus goes, energy flows. (1:01:00) You decide what to focus on and then you decide: "what does this mean?" This process controls your life. Its your decisions that you control your destiny. The meaning you give something instantly changes the way you feel overnight. The only thing that changes you is a decision. A real decision is one you take immediate massive action on.
Have you ever had something in your life that really upset you, and then finally years later you got over it because you went back and you went, "you know what, I realize now that if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be who I am today." Even though I hated that situation, it made me stronger, more powerful, more caring, thank God that happened. The reason that you're happy today is you've given it a different meaning. You're focusing on a different aspect of it. If you change what you focus on, if you change what something means, you change your life in that instant. You want to change your life? Make a new choice, make a new decision about what to focus on, or what something means. The tendency by the way, is to focus on the worst out of fear.
So I'm saying to you, don't wait to feel good. People say, "if I work really hard eventually I reach my goal and I'll feel good" Who here has ever achieved a goal that was important to you? (36:30) Getting the goal is not enough. Getting the feeling now & put yourself in a peak state. Emotions don't just happen to you, you do them. They happen by the way you move your body and what you focus on. So if we change the way we move we change the way we feel. I want you to imagine that you just achieved your greatest goal. How are you feeling? Notice how quickly that was over! haha See your brain goes, I gotta work this hard to go "Yay!" for two seconds, your brain is not going to do what is necessary. You're just gonna get caught up in your daily life. Most of you do not have enough associated to what you want. There is not enough draw. Most people are trying to push their way to get somewhere. But if you can imagine what you want and you can make it strong enough, it will pull you towards it.
Ask yourself, "what is the single force that controls the quality of your life?" If there was one gift the creator/ universe (whatever you believe) has given us, what is the one power that you have right now in this moment that can change everything? You have it, I have it, we all have it, it's that one singular individual power that can change anything in our life regardless of whats happened to us. And I know you know the answer, the answer is the power of choice. The one thing that we have in this world is choice; we can't control the events, but we can choose what to focus, we can choose what things mean, and we can choose what to do. Those 3 choices/ decisions really control our life. It's not so much the conditions of our life, that control our destiny as it is our decisions that control our life.
Decisions affect so much of your life: what you do, how you live your life, how you spend your life, what you earn, or don't earn, who you attract into your life, the beliefs you have, these all come from little decisions.
Big decisions start with little decisions like "what are you gonna focus on?" Because whatever you focus on you are going to feel. If you focus on all the things that have been done to you in your life, of course you are going to feel like hell. If you focus on all the amazing coincidences that have happened, maybe they were guided or not, but things happen and because of that you met this person that's your best friend, your husband, your wife, or because of that you have this ability, or because you weren't there that day you missed an accident. I don't know what it is, but whatever you focus on you're going to feel. If you focus on people don't care and you look for reasons why they don't care and evidence they don't care, you'll find it everywhere. If you look for evidence that people are really good people inside, and that at some level we all care about each other, you'll find it. "Seek and you shall find."
We will even associate meanings to things that don't actually demonstrate that meaning. For example, when someone says "count everything that's red," you will unconsciously focus on burgundy items too and count those as red.
The secret is, you have to become conscious about your decision making. New life comes from new choices, but you've got to make conscious choices (7:00). When you make decisions about what to focus on and what things mean and what to do and you're unconscious, you get pretty terrible results usually. We've all done this, I do it still, we all do, but if you want to change your results you've got to be more conscious in your decision making. So think about it, what you focus on you will feel.
The second decision you make is "what do things mean?" So you focus something someone does and you come up with a meaning, and the meaning is for example: "no one loves me" "they're trying to take advantage of me." Depending on what meaning you come up with and you get to choose the meaning of anything, for some people they say this situation with the economy and what that means is "I'm going broke." Somebody else said "the situation that happened with the economy, guess what that means i'm going to work harder, going to be more creative, we're gonna change everything, everyone else is gonna quit, so we're gonna dominate the marketplace."
So is this the end right now or is this the beginning? Whether its the end or the beginning is your choice, you get to decide. (death is just another path, one that we must all take). See once you make up a meaning, its true. If you think of this as the end of a relationship, are you gonna treat that person the same way as if it was the beginning of a relationship? No way. In fact I tell people if you wanna have a great relationship, think about this; treat people like you did at the beginning of the relationship and there won't be an end. In the beginning of a relationship, when somebody says to you "take out the trash" you say "of course I'll take out the trash!" You're happy to do anything, right? But after about 6 months or 6 years you're like "what you mean take out the trash, do I look like your janitor?" The meaning we give things is very different and so we feel different and our life is different. In the beginning you'll do anything for someone, now you make up a new meaning, "why should I have to do that for them?"
Yoda: "So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
Luke: "Master Yoda, moving stones around is one thing, this...this is totally different!"
Yoda: "No! No different! Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned."
Luke: "All right I'll give it a try."
Yoda: "No! Try not! Do or do not, there is no try."
After Luke "tries"
Luke: "I can't, *panting* it's too big...*panting*
Yoda: "Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size do you? And well you should not. For my ally is the force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. It's energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous being are we. Not this crude matter. You must feel the force around you. Here, between you, me, the tree the rock, everywhere. Yes, even between the land and the ship.
Luke: "You want the impossible." Sulks back to sit down
Yoda Raises X-Wing
Luke: I don't...I don't believe it!
Yoda: That, is why you fail.
Little choices like what to believe about yourself, what to believe about other people whether this is the end or the beginning, start to affect your whole life. And the third decision we make, we decide what to focus on, most of us unconsciously, we decide what things mean, and the third thing is we decide what we're gonna do. We decide to quit because its overwhelming, we decide to get strong and focus, we decide to turn it around, we decide to wait and see, ultimately your destiny is determined by what you do (9:20).
Tony Robbins Explaining How to Focus
Stories About Changing Your Focus
Story 1: Focus On Where You Want To Go
When you do this, you will have done yourself a great favor. Because in your head you tend to repeat things over and over, you have a hard time organizing it. And the reason is, you're using words in your head and images and sounds. Now if you can take all of these thoughts and words and you can put them into a picture, a picture is worth a thousand words. You just chunked your life instantly better.
The first step I teach in RPM is that you need a capture system. We need a way to just capture those great ideas or those recurring thoughts and get it out of our head.
You need a place where all your thoughts can go and you can read them with easy access. A notebook or planner is best because you don't have to worry about the internet not working and the time it takes for the computer to load. Second step is once we've captured all these things this is what it looks like to my brain when I've write down everything. My brain goes: I've got to do this, that, this....
The 6 Human Needs
http://greatthinking.net.au/_blog/Great_Thinking_Blog/post/6_Human_Needs_-_Tony_Robbins/
Our brain loves pattern recognition. When you recognize a pattern, you feel certain. Someone starts to look like that, I know what that means, someone starts to say that, oh I know what that means. When this and this occurs, I usually do that.
But its people that you care about what they think or what they feel (even if you say you don't). We all care at some level. Who are those people that are here for you? That's your peer group. And your life will be a direct representation of your peer group. Here's the challenge, what if you have a higher expectation for your life than the people you surround yourself with? Higher expectation for what you want in your life, for you passion, joy, love, higher expectation of what you want to accomplish, higher expectation of what you want to feel, or spirituality, whatever it is. Well now you have a conflict. Because now what will happen is, when you have a higher expectation than your peer group, your peer group who does really care about you, will pull you back down to their level. Notice why lots of people gossip about celebrities on their stupidity? These people make themselves feel better in this way because all we have to do to feel better about ourselves is to look at someone else's life and say, "wow look at those losers, my life is amazing compared to them." So we feel better about ourselves in the moment and we think to ourselves, "haha since my life is so great, why improve or grow? I'm doing great the way I am right now."
But we must keep growing and progressing in all areas of our life. Because what isn't growing, is regressing. But when it comes to discussing the success and growth of others, people are hesitant and even somewhat disgusted, because they know deep down they are not utilizing their full potential; instead of embarking on the challenging road to success, they settle for average and just merely good (see EFFORT vs. REWARDS). So its not because your peers are trying to pull you down, but because they don't want to lose you. So they say, "come on, don't be so serious, don't be working all the time, come on relax, geez what's the matter with you?" And they will find ways to undermine what's going on. Not because they don't love you, but because they do love you. Because unconsciously they say, "oh my god, you might change, grow, or expand, what would that mean to me, I might be left behind." And most of us want love so much at an unconscious level (some of us on a conscious level), we want acceptance so much, that through time gradually over the years we lose what our dreams are, we lose our expectations. And what we once thought was a "must" is not interesting anymore, it's not even a should. Or maybe its a "should" someday if it all comes together.
Ritualize Your Positive Actions
#2 This is where you've got to be really honest with yourself. What are the rituals that put me there? Because whatever results you're getting, even if you don't like the results, there are some rituals that are keeping you in that place. There are some rituals of how you eat or don't eat, how you move or don't move, how you study or don't study, how you sleep or don't sleep, what you study or don't study, there are some rituals in the lack of variety or spice or focus in an area. There's something you're doing, and it's usually not one thing, it's a bunch of little things that you kind of do consistently, whenever you think about getting into a relationship, whenever you think about working out, whenever you think about money, you get yourself into a state of overwhelm, you start thinking about things you can't control. Just write down all the rituals you have and then write down...
#4 Last step, what are the rituals that would get you there? What would you need to do differently each morning if you were going to be full of that kind of energy, that kind of strength? How often would you workout? What days would you workout? What times? A ritual is something you do consistently usually at a specific time so it becomes automatic.
Change
Finally the third step that we all gotta do if we are gonna change our life or anybody else's is make it the way we see it. And that's where strategy comes in. I've tried to take things that are complex and make them as simple as possible. I've noticed that most people in the psychological world try to make it as complex as humanly possible. Because it makes us feel so sophisticated when we talk with all these complex words and elements and so forth and we've got our degrees and we're somebody. But that doesn't help anybody. I look for a nickel word to get to the heart of something. I've tried to take something complex and make it simple, so people will really go and apply it and that's the focus here.
The Process/ Path to Success
In fact most people live by what i call the "Niagra syndrome." Think of life as a river. Many people just jump into the river of life without ever really deciding where they want to end up. So they quickly get caught up in the current: current events, current fears, current challenges, and when they come to those forks in the river, they don't consciously decide where they want to go.
Now how to we turn things around when we are caught up in the momentum of a raging river? Either make a decision to put both oars in the water and start paddling like crazy in a new direction or decide to plan ahead. Set the course for where you really want to go, and have a plan or a map so you can make quality decisions along the way.
- Conquering Fear
- A Peak State of Mind
- Stories About Changing Your Focus
- Chunking = Organizing
- The 6 Human Needs
- People Who Influence You
- Results, Purpose, Massive Action Plan
- Ritualize Your Positive Actions
- Standards
- Change
- The Process Path to Success
Conquering Fear
3 Ways to Get Over Fear
"I was watching a video of Marlo Thomas with Tony Robbins, where Tony Robbins shares three ways you can overcome any fear that holds you back. Keep in mind that for years Tony Robbins has helped people around the world conquer fears and phobias in record time, and do the things they never thought possible.
He doesn’t just find ways to get results. He finds ways to get rapid results and he’s always sharing the fastest and most effective ways that actually work.
So, what are the fastest and most effective ways you can get over your fear?
Let’s take a look at three ways you can use to instantly stop fear from paralyzing you and start taking more action …"
1. Find Something You’re More Scared of
According to Tony, the first technique is to find something you’re more scared of than your fear. Tony says,
“Some people are afraid of public speaking, or afraid of doing anything, but they’re more afraid of disappointing their children, they’re more afraid of missing out on the opportunity, they’re more afraid of not living the life they want.”
Throughout his life, Tony would also draw from stories of people who would inspire him to new levels. Sometimes you just don’t know how much worse things could be than what you’re facing, and drawing from other people’s stories can help you put things in perspective. It’s all relative.
2. The Rocking Chair Test
According to Tony, another way to push past fear is to find out what it’s going to cost you. You need to find your why: Why is pushing past your fear a MUST not just a SHOULD? One way Tony says you can figure out if it’s worth it, is to use what he calls his “Rocking Chair Test.” He said imagine yourself as 80 years old, sitting on your rocking chair, and you didn’t do whatever it is where fear is holding you back. If it doesn’t bother you, then don’t do it. But, if you feel like you missed out, and you regret not doing it, then go for it.
3. Change Your State
Tony says, “Fear is physical.” If you can change your state of mind, then the fear will disappear. You need to change from a state of fear or uncertainty, to a state of certainty, determination, or aggressiveness. Tony says the fastest way to do this is to make a radical change in your body. For Tony Robbins, the way he would do this is he would lift weights or he would go on a run, while listening to his most powerful music, anything that would radically change his state.
To recap, you can push past your fear by finding your “Why” and making it a “MUST.” You can find your deepest fear, and think, “If I don’t face this fear, what’s it going to cost me?.” You can ask yourself, “What’s the thing I’m even more afraid of than the action?” And, you can change your state of mind by radically changing your body. Get moving and use motion to change your emotions.
If you find yourself operating from fear, or that maybe some fear is holding you back, use your skills to operate at a higher level, and tap into more of what you’re capable of.
In Depth Discussion on Fear
Techniques for overcoming fear
- Find something you are more afraid of - for me that would be living a life that doesn't impact anyone and that is not shared with anyone.
- Find out what it's going to cost you 50, 60, 70 years from now, or when you are on your deathbed. Remember, discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs tons.
- Get yourself into a peak state. Radically change your physiology by going for a run, lifting weights while listening to intense music, celebrating wildly/ dancing (all without use of drugs, alcohol, food). Then focus on where you want to go. Shove your head with your hand to keep yourself focused on the road ahead if you have to.
The point where you say "that's it, no more" is where you actually face you fears and actually change.
One thing to get rid of fear is to find within yourself something you fear more. Give yourself no choice but to take action.
You must take massive action and face your fear multiple times until you finally realize that that tension in your body, that sweat on your hands, that shaking feeling is just your body preparing for action. You can give these feelings a fear connotation or you can give these feelings a "getting ready" connotation. It all comes back to the meaning that you give your emotions and feelings. "I'm getting ready for action" vs. "I'm so scared!" The former will put you in a more directed, focused state where you direct your nervous/ anxiety/ andrenaline towards overcoming the obstacle
what is the only thing that is holding people back from what they are really moving towards? It's the only thing that ever really stops people from breaking through. We all can give reasons for where we want to be, we can all give external descriptions about our past. But the only reason that people don't just take their life and do something to change it is FEAR. I think fear stands for "F*** everything and run!" When you're scared you just want to get away; "it's fight or flight," you either want to battle it out because you have that adrenaline or you want to bust of there. No matter what happens or has happened in our lives, if we want to be more than the moment, then some part of us has to deal with fear in a different way.
In my experience now working with 4 million people from over a hundred countries around the world, from the most successful people to the most challenged, everybody has two primary fears: We are all afraid at some level that we are not enough. We are afraid we're not strong enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, not pretty enough, not athletic enough, not playful enough, not funny enough, not authentic enough, etc. everybody's got something...but haven't you had a time in your life when you thought, "oh my god, I'm not enough" for someone that matters or for something that matters. If you are honest, you know that the answer is yes. And even if you're doing great right now, this fear doesn't go away, it shows up at some stage of your life; There will be some stage where you don't feel like you are enough and that's one of the sickest feelings a human being can feel inside, you feel like nothing, like worthless. And to feel like you are not enough, that you're worthless as bad as that is leads to the second deeper fear, which is we all fear that if we are not enough then I won't be loved. Why? Well first of all Love is oxygen to the human soul isn't it? I mean even if people say that they don't want it, we all want some form of connection, that depth, we crave it. When babies are born, if they are not physically loved, held/ touched, if they are not given that kinesthetic connection, they can die. In fact they derive something called "failure to thrive" syndrome any doctor can tell you what it is. They can't explain how it works, but they know that if those babies don't get that physical touch, that love, they literally die.
That's how important it is to human beings, yet most of us are so scared of love, not only are we scared of love, we're afraid that we can have it taken away, we are afraid to have our hopes brought up, we're afraid that being in a place where we have that sense of excitement and liveliness and we can have it dashed. So lots of people out of that fear or loss of that love try to mitigate, try to lower their expectations for their life, for their business, for their relationship. But lowering your expectations doesn't make you feel alive, it just makes you feel a little less pain, a little more numb. It's not an answer for love passion and all those things I know you'd want otherwise you wouldn't be here listening to me or keep reading on. Speaking to you through this medium is a nice way for you and I to have a stimulating trigger of each other because all that I share with you is all that I've learned from me and all the millions of people I've had the privilege to touch.
And I've learned not because I'm so smart, but because I learned these mistakes over and over again and I got tired of it. I'm sure you've done the same. I'm sure you've done something so many times until one day you went and stated "no more!" And that's the breakthrough moment, it's where you confront the fear and do it in spite of the fear. It's where you stop telling yourself a story of where you can't do it, you don't have the time, you don't have the energy, you don't have the money, it's easy for other people. We've all got a story of why we are not where we want to be because you have two choices: either face your fear that says, "oh my god, maybe I'm not strong enough, smart enough, committed enough, determined enough to do this, and I'm not enough or I won't be loved" or I got a story about how its not my fault. I've got a story about how its not my fault, how something in the environment happened, how something in my past, or that I'm gonna do it in the future. You have either results, or a story. Because most of us, we don't want to face that fear.
And you know what's amazing? We have this fear that we are not enough, but human beings when they put everything on the line, they can pull off just about anything they're committed to. Not everything, you don't always get what you want, you don't always achieve your goals or your dreams, but sometimes when you don't get your goals or dreams, you get something better. For example you may not get what you want, but in pursuing that goal or dream you become something more than you ever dreamed of. You develop that courage, that determination, that compassion, or that playfulness, or the faith that somehow in other parts of your life when it's needed its there.
It's like an emotional muscle. When other people pull back and everyone says, "oh I don't know what to do," you're just like, "Move, I'll handle it!" Because you've faced so many things, you've got in the face of fear so many times that it's something you know, and it's something you know you can handle. That doesn't mean that it doesn't scare you or that it doesn't make you fight or flight, that doesn't mean it doesn't show up, it means that you don't let it run your life. Fear for most people is like going to court and having only the prosecution give their case, they tell you all the reasons why it can't happen, and if you buy it, if you don't listen to someone who stands up and defends and says, "here's why we should do this" pretty soon our mind takes over. And the deep part of our mind is so fearful because its trying to protect us and make sure that we can survive (10:20).
It takes more than just the animal part of you to achieve what you want to achieve in your life of joy, fulfillment, accomplishment, your contribution to your family, your society. If it's going to be something significant and meaningful, some part of you is going to have to face those fears again and again. The way you take back your life and live is that you must murder fear. And the only way to murder fear is by massive action! There's no rocket science here. Don't get me wrong we should figure what to do with the right plan, right strategy, but ultimately you've just got to do stuff to figure it out! The only way you're going to get over the fear of getting across that room to that man or that woman is just to go do it so many times that fear becomes somebody you know. And pretty soon it's not fear, it's confidence. It's not an unknown anymore.
Tony Robbins Seminar in Japan, 2007
Our state of mind can change within a heartbeat. It all depends on what we focus on and what our physiology is. The question is: how many of us have made lousy decisions and good decisions? The number 1 factor is the state you are in. We need to be able to change our state quickly. If you do the same thing with your body, your focus, you perform better. We can change other people's state completely. Its not how smart you are, its how smart you are right now! Its not how loving you are, its how loving you are right now. To find your physiological cues/ buttons to put you in your peak state, you have to act out the extremes of different states.
Physiology
The first way and most important way is to radically change the way you physically use your body. Of those four ways of greeting people, the way of greeting like you just saw a long lost friend or lover is the way that makes us feel the best. The mindset here is to wake up and use your nervous system in a whole new way. So you do things differently. Who here is going to change? It will only change if you change your state! It will not change by you learning more information by itself. Information without emotion is not retained. It's the emotion that changes things. What we need to do is remember that emotion is created by motion. the more you use of your body, the more you will feel, and the more you will do, and the more successful you will become. Anyone who has that capacity can put it into gear when they need to. Why do you want to succeed, why do you want to achieve, why do you want to make a difference?
Pull is much more powerful than push. This man who is lazy is not lazy. He has goals that don't pull him enough, that don't excite him enough, he doesn't believe in it enough, its not real enough (38:49). So of course he's lazy,we're all lazy when we have nothing to look forward to and nothing strong enough to pull us. But we can change that in a heartbeat. But the way you have to change it, is you have to change your body first, because if you ask somebody in this state: what do you want: "I don't know..." what do you think you want, "I don't know...maybe more money...maybe a better relationship, maybe a better job...." and what do you think the chances of this person ever getting any of that is? Zero! Because there's no animation!
But if you've got somebody who's totally in a peak state, you go what do you want? They go "I'll tell you what I want!!!" And they're in a very different place. So we want to get in that place. So here's what we're going to do, shake your body out, we're going to take this to another level. You go Tony what are we going to do, take our clothes off? haha no, we're going to celebrate for no good reason just because we chose to. Here's what I mean: most people spend a life where they have very little joy. It's not because joy isn't there. It's because they think life has to be a certain way, and then they can feel joy for a moment sometime in the future. What I want you to experience is total unrelenting, crazy, kid-like, passion, joy and celebration. Now here's what's interesting, most people never do this, do they? Very rarely. Now I'm telling you this is because, most people celebrate when there's a baby: "oh my god, it's a boy/ it's a girl!" And they may hug a stranger, and its ok! People also celebrate when they finish school: "yeah I did it! Oh shit now I have to go to work." When a local sports team wins a national championship (40:51)
Atmosphere can drastically change physiology. When you are in a stadium with 50,000 people, there is suddenly an intensity and we feel that energy consciously and/or subconsciously (Ex: Going to the library to study is easier because there is a studying vibe that we feel either consciously or subconsciously). The energy can motivate us to go past our perceived limits and boundaries that we have set up. The energy of an arena can dramatically increase our excitement levels while the energy of a prison can dramatically sober our spirit. Bottom line, our follow through comes from our emotional intensity. You have to have strong enough reasons to push yourself through to get through the tough times. You don't let the fear take you over when you have strong enough reasons. They can be positive or negative reasons. "If I don't do this, this is what it will cost me," "if I do do this, this is what I'll gain" Reasons come, first answers come second.
Focus
The first way and most important way is to radically change the way you physically use your body. What's going to determine your life's destiny once you leave this seminar? Is it the conditions of this world? The world can be lousy yet you can be happy. "Our biography affects us if we chose to live there. Nothing I say can change your life. If you decide to take an action. Whatever you focus on you feel and move towards. Where focus goes, energy flows. (1:01:00) You decide what to focus on and then you decide: "what does this mean?" This process controls your life. Its your decisions that you control your destiny. The meaning you give something instantly changes the way you feel overnight. The only thing that changes you is a decision. A real decision is one you take immediate massive action on.
Have you ever had something in your life that really upset you, and then finally years later you got over it because you went back and you went, "you know what, I realize now that if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be who I am today." Even though I hated that situation, it made me stronger, more powerful, more caring, thank God that happened. The reason that you're happy today is you've given it a different meaning. You're focusing on a different aspect of it. If you change what you focus on, if you change what something means, you change your life in that instant. You want to change your life? Make a new choice, make a new decision about what to focus on, or what something means. The tendency by the way, is to focus on the worst out of fear.
So I'm saying to you, don't wait to feel good. People say, "if I work really hard eventually I reach my goal and I'll feel good" Who here has ever achieved a goal that was important to you? (36:30) Getting the goal is not enough. Getting the feeling now & put yourself in a peak state. Emotions don't just happen to you, you do them. They happen by the way you move your body and what you focus on. So if we change the way we move we change the way we feel. I want you to imagine that you just achieved your greatest goal. How are you feeling? Notice how quickly that was over! haha See your brain goes, I gotta work this hard to go "Yay!" for two seconds, your brain is not going to do what is necessary. You're just gonna get caught up in your daily life. Most of you do not have enough associated to what you want. There is not enough draw. Most people are trying to push their way to get somewhere. But if you can imagine what you want and you can make it strong enough, it will pull you towards it.
Ask yourself, "what is the single force that controls the quality of your life?" If there was one gift the creator/ universe (whatever you believe) has given us, what is the one power that you have right now in this moment that can change everything? You have it, I have it, we all have it, it's that one singular individual power that can change anything in our life regardless of whats happened to us. And I know you know the answer, the answer is the power of choice. The one thing that we have in this world is choice; we can't control the events, but we can choose what to focus, we can choose what things mean, and we can choose what to do. Those 3 choices/ decisions really control our life. It's not so much the conditions of our life, that control our destiny as it is our decisions that control our life.
Decisions affect so much of your life: what you do, how you live your life, how you spend your life, what you earn, or don't earn, who you attract into your life, the beliefs you have, these all come from little decisions.
Big decisions start with little decisions like "what are you gonna focus on?" Because whatever you focus on you are going to feel. If you focus on all the things that have been done to you in your life, of course you are going to feel like hell. If you focus on all the amazing coincidences that have happened, maybe they were guided or not, but things happen and because of that you met this person that's your best friend, your husband, your wife, or because of that you have this ability, or because you weren't there that day you missed an accident. I don't know what it is, but whatever you focus on you're going to feel. If you focus on people don't care and you look for reasons why they don't care and evidence they don't care, you'll find it everywhere. If you look for evidence that people are really good people inside, and that at some level we all care about each other, you'll find it. "Seek and you shall find."
We will even associate meanings to things that don't actually demonstrate that meaning. For example, when someone says "count everything that's red," you will unconsciously focus on burgundy items too and count those as red.
The secret is, you have to become conscious about your decision making. New life comes from new choices, but you've got to make conscious choices (7:00). When you make decisions about what to focus on and what things mean and what to do and you're unconscious, you get pretty terrible results usually. We've all done this, I do it still, we all do, but if you want to change your results you've got to be more conscious in your decision making. So think about it, what you focus on you will feel.
The second decision you make is "what do things mean?" So you focus something someone does and you come up with a meaning, and the meaning is for example: "no one loves me" "they're trying to take advantage of me." Depending on what meaning you come up with and you get to choose the meaning of anything, for some people they say this situation with the economy and what that means is "I'm going broke." Somebody else said "the situation that happened with the economy, guess what that means i'm going to work harder, going to be more creative, we're gonna change everything, everyone else is gonna quit, so we're gonna dominate the marketplace."
So is this the end right now or is this the beginning? Whether its the end or the beginning is your choice, you get to decide. (death is just another path, one that we must all take). See once you make up a meaning, its true. If you think of this as the end of a relationship, are you gonna treat that person the same way as if it was the beginning of a relationship? No way. In fact I tell people if you wanna have a great relationship, think about this; treat people like you did at the beginning of the relationship and there won't be an end. In the beginning of a relationship, when somebody says to you "take out the trash" you say "of course I'll take out the trash!" You're happy to do anything, right? But after about 6 months or 6 years you're like "what you mean take out the trash, do I look like your janitor?" The meaning we give things is very different and so we feel different and our life is different. In the beginning you'll do anything for someone, now you make up a new meaning, "why should I have to do that for them?"
Yoda: "So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
Luke: "Master Yoda, moving stones around is one thing, this...this is totally different!"
Yoda: "No! No different! Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned."
Luke: "All right I'll give it a try."
Yoda: "No! Try not! Do or do not, there is no try."
After Luke "tries"
Luke: "I can't, *panting* it's too big...*panting*
Yoda: "Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size do you? And well you should not. For my ally is the force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. It's energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous being are we. Not this crude matter. You must feel the force around you. Here, between you, me, the tree the rock, everywhere. Yes, even between the land and the ship.
Luke: "You want the impossible." Sulks back to sit down
Yoda Raises X-Wing
Luke: I don't...I don't believe it!
Yoda: That, is why you fail.
Little choices like what to believe about yourself, what to believe about other people whether this is the end or the beginning, start to affect your whole life. And the third decision we make, we decide what to focus on, most of us unconsciously, we decide what things mean, and the third thing is we decide what we're gonna do. We decide to quit because its overwhelming, we decide to get strong and focus, we decide to turn it around, we decide to wait and see, ultimately your destiny is determined by what you do (9:20).
Tony Robbins Explaining How to Focus
Stories About Changing Your Focus
Story 1: Focus On Where You Want To Go
(1:04:50) I remember the first time I ever went to racing school. I went to go learn to race cars and I have a dear friend in the US who is considered to be one of the top racers in the world. And he said, Tony I'll take you through the racing course, I'll train you personally. So we got into this car for the very first time, I'll never forget this, he was driving, he said, "I'm going to show you what a race car can do." We took off and we were going as fast as you can possibly imagine and we were going straight for a wall, but doing a corkscrew, so we went straight around it, and my heart is beating out of me. By the time we're done with this racetrack, he says to me, "Tony in four days you'll be able to do that," and I said, "I'm really positive, and you're full of crap. I don't know that I want to do this in four days, that's insane!" I'm an aggressive guy, but that's crazy! He said, "Tony you are smart, anybody who thinks they're going to do that in four days learning to race will get killed. That's not how I'm going to train you; I'm going to put you into a spin car. A spin car is a car that we've developed where you are going to be driving and I'll be in the passenger seat and down here below where you can't watch are four buttons.
And I can push anyone of those four buttons without you knowing it. And when I do, it'll lift off one of the four wheels off the ground and we will spin out of control in that direction. So here's what we're going to do: you're going to get in the car, you're going to drive at about 120 mph. You'll really be going intensely and you'll have to concentrate like crazy. As soon as I've seen you've lost an ounce of your concentration, I'm going to push one of those wheels and we're going to spin out of control. And you see that wall, that wall is made of brick. We hit that wall at that speed, you could be injured, you could die, but you probably won't, I get injured, and you have to pay for the car."
He said, "so you're really going to have to pay attention now. I'm going to tell you the most important secret, listen to me now," and listen to me now all of you, because this is the secret to life, he said, "Tony to be a great racer, I don't care how smart you are, I don't care how fast you are, I don't care how diligent you are, you're going to end up in a spin one day. It may not be your fault, there may be oil on the track that you can't see. Or the car in front of you may smash into the wall and the tire will pop off and smack in front of you. You are going to find yourself in a spin sooner or later, and the best racers in the world are the ones that live. The way you're going to make sure is you gotta know how to come out of a spin. And I thought, "now isn't that a great metaphor for life?" Don't we all have to know how to come out of a spin? A spin in your business, a spin like being bored or depressed, a spin in your personal life, how you come out of a spin determines your life more than anything else. And he said, "Tony, here's all you gotta remember, listen to me: when we start to spin out of control, just do one thing; focus on where you want to go, not on where you are afraid of. The mind always takes you to what you're afraid will happen, you must direct your mind and body to where you want to go. As soon as he says this, what happens is, when you focus on where you want to go, you unconsciously steer where you're focusing.
He said, "so you're really going to have to pay attention now. I'm going to tell you the most important secret, listen to me now," and listen to me now all of you, because this is the secret to life, he said, "Tony to be a great racer, I don't care how smart you are, I don't care how fast you are, I don't care how diligent you are, you're going to end up in a spin one day. It may not be your fault, there may be oil on the track that you can't see. Or the car in front of you may smash into the wall and the tire will pop off and smack in front of you. You are going to find yourself in a spin sooner or later, and the best racers in the world are the ones that live. The way you're going to make sure is you gotta know how to come out of a spin. And I thought, "now isn't that a great metaphor for life?" Don't we all have to know how to come out of a spin? A spin in your business, a spin like being bored or depressed, a spin in your personal life, how you come out of a spin determines your life more than anything else. And he said, "Tony, here's all you gotta remember, listen to me: when we start to spin out of control, just do one thing; focus on where you want to go, not on where you are afraid of. The mind always takes you to what you're afraid will happen, you must direct your mind and body to where you want to go. As soon as he says this, what happens is, when you focus on where you want to go, you unconsciously steer where you're focusing.
And I thought, "this is a perfect metaphor for life, no problem I teach this, this will be easy!" It wasn't easy. I get out there the first time and I'm driving going 110, 115, 120 mph and you don't think that that's going to take much concentration, but it does. And he's watching me, and sure enough, I'm ready, I'm ready, push that button baby, I'm ready! But just like in life, life never pushes the button when you are ready does it? IT always waits till you're not ready. So sure enough, he sees me lose a little concentration, and then boom! He pumps it and immediately we're spinning out of control towards this wall. What do I immediately do? I stare at the wall, because that's what you do, your eyes start to go there and as you stare at it, you steer right into it. This is why, if you've ever heard of someone who's driving down a country road, 70 mph and there's like one telephone pole every quarter of a mile and they manage to hit the telephone pole. How do people do that? They go "oh my God, I don't want to hit that! And they focus on what they don't want to hit, and they drive right into it. So as soon as I do this I go, "oh my god, oh my god!" And he grabs my head and pulls my face over to the left, where we got to turn to avoid the crash, but I'm fighting him, because I want to see the death happen! But he keeps holding my head, and as he holds my head, I steer in the right direction. As soon as you start steering in the right direction, as soon as you start doing the right things, do you instantly get new results? No. This is the illusion, because you've been doing this/ moving in this direction and you have momentum, even though you are doing the right thing, you'll still keep skidding there.
The same thing is true in your life. A guy says, "well I've been on a diet for five days and I haven't lost any weight." Well you've been a pig for thirty years, what do you expect? You've done the right things for five days, you still have momentum in the wrong direction, but if you keep doing the right things, do you catch eventually? Yes. And then what happens? Boom, you turn. So we are like this and errch!! he's holding my face, and I'm fighting him to see the death, but I keep on steering in the right direction. And sure enough, when it feels like I'm going to hit the wall, in the last seconds the wheels catch and we turn. My heart is beating out of me, and it looks like we've missed it by twelve inches, probably 5 feet, but in my head it was twelve inches. And he goes to me, " did you learn?" I say "I learned." I didn't learn shit. Because the next time we go, we're going, I'm ready, I'm ready, push that button baby, I'm ready! keep on going, lose a little confidence, lose a little concentration and boom, spinning out. "Oh my god!" He grabs my head and shoves it, but after enough times, I just start to do it. And even though we're going in the wrong direction, I don't look, I keep focusing on where I want to go, and after a while you get confident don't you? And you turn and you turn and you turn.
I have a very important question for all of you. If you focus on what you want instead of what you're afraid of, are you guaranteed not to hit the wall? yes or no? No. There are no guarantees in life, but if focus on the wall are you guaranteed to hit it? Yes. So what I'm talking about is how you increase your probabilities many fold. So I said there are three decisions that control your destiny, the first one is what are you going to focus on? Are you going to focus on what you are getting or what you are missing out on? Your past, present, your future. What are you going to focus on? Whatever you focus on you are going to feel. Second, what does this mean? Is this the end or the beginning? Are you harassing me, or teasing me, or challenging me? Whatever meaning you give it controls how you feel. And your feelings and emotions control what you do, which is the third decision, what am I going to do. Every moment of your life you're going to be deciding, what am I going to focus on? what does this mean, and what am I going to do? You want to change you life? you've got to change what you focus on, change what it means, and change what you're doing and life changes immediately, in a heartbeat. You turn the corner, you make it happen. (1:12:20)
What's the causation between the good decisions and the lousy decisions? There are many factors (including your strategies), but the #1 factor is the state you are in when you make the decision. If you're in a fearful state, If you're in a frustrated state, If you're in a bored or tired state, you probably won't make the same decisions as you would if you were in a determined state, if you're in a loving state, if you're in a playful state, if you're in a passionate state. So we need to change our state quickly. So we start to play with, but let me show you exactly what I mean. There are two ways to change your state. #1 way, a radical change in the way you use your physiology. Second way, a radical focus on what you are focusing on. Those two are what shift you. Now some of you might say, "Tony, I'm trying to change the way I feel. I'm going, 'this is bullshit, this is bullshit, this is bullshit!" If you're doing one thing with your body, but you're doing the opposite thing with your focus, they cancel each other out and it doesn't work. But if you do the same thing with your body and your voice and your focus, then your state changes how fast? In a heartbeat, literally. Now I have a question for you. when you're in a better state, do you treat other people better or worse? Better. Do you perform at a higher level or lower level at work? Higher. Are you a better lover or a worse lover. Better. Now I have a question for you. Can you change other people's states with your state? Yes. A little or completely? Completely.
Imagine they announced my name, and I walked in like this: "Good....morning....Ni hao....... *phooo* ....I'm Tony Robbins and you're not.......I'm here to share with you.......how you can have unlimited power in your life.....and over the next 429 hours of this seminar....." you're like kill him!!! You want to shake him. If you change your state can you change other peoples' states? Yes. But you gotta know how to do it.
Story 2: Andrei Agassi's Shift to Success
Years ago, when I first started working with Tennis players, way back in 1992 with Andrei Agassi. With Andrei, he had been number 1 in the world and he fell from #1 to #32. He was playing terribly. And he went through all kinds of training, and he was working on his wrist and his swing and at that time he had a girlfriend and that girlfriend knew me and she said, "look, you've got to go see Tony Robbins." He said, "I don't need motivation." She said, "Tony's not a motivator, he's a strategist and he can teach you exactly what you do at your best and trigger it at will." He was so frustrated that he finally decided to meet with me because nothing else worked. So he came to my home, I'll never forget the day, and he was a really nice guy, but really nice people, when they get in a shitty state, they are really mean! I don't care who it is. So he comes and he sits down and I say, "Andrei, tell me what's going on?"
He goes, "you know I'm having problems with this, and problems with that, and I'm working on my swing," and I looked at him and said, "Andrei, have you ever hit a tennis ball perfectly?" He replied sarcastically, "No." I said, "the attitude could go first!" He said, "Of course I've hit a tennis ball perfectly!" So I said, "I want you to remember a time, any time in your life when you hit a tennis ball perfectly. When you hit a tennis ball perfectly, were you ever thinking about your swing?" He said, "well no." I said, "that's right, you've never hit a tennis ball perfectly while thinking about your swing, and you're trying to make your tennis better by thinking about your swing. It'll never work." He goes, "Then what am I supposed to do???!!?! I said, "there is a state, inside of you, that when you get in that state, you're in the flow. It just happens, the words come out, the words come out, the swing is natural." Whatever it is you do, it just happens.
We call that a peak state, and when you're in that peak state, it just flows, or a flow state. Interestingly enough, Andrei says to me, "well how am I supposed to get back there? I'm trying to get back there." I said, "you'll never get back there trying to think your way there. What I've got to do is show you what you do with your physical body and what you do with your focus that makes you there. I can show you right now, I'm no expert at tennis, all I did was watch some videos of you. All you're going to do is watch with me, and you're going to learn." So I brought out this video tape, and I show him when he won Wimbledon. And in those days he had this thing called hair. A lot of it. He used to have this long pony tail. And he'd warm up he used to wear his Nike hat, and the pony tail sticking out the back. So I show him the day he won Wimbledon. He walks out on the court confident, and he looks at the guy across the court, who he is playing against and he takes his hand and puts it under his ponytail and he flips it. So I'm showing this to him, and as he's watching, he starts to smile from ear to ear. I said, do you remember that moment. He goes, "oh yeah." I said, "look what you're doing with your body, look what you're doing. What is this thing?" He goes, "I don't know it just felt good." I said, "when you were doing that, what were you focusing on when you were looking at him like that?" He said, "I was looking at him thinking, 'Why did you even show up?'" Now I said, "now I'm going to show you the difference." So I took that tape out and I showed him at the French open when he was annihilated. And he walks out onto the court like Mr. Roper from 3's Company. He walks out a little hunched and not looking so confident. I said, "do you remember that moment?" He's not smiling now, "oh yeah, I was remembering the last time the guy beat me."
Energy and focus towards the ground. Unconfident and dejected looking, with a grimace on the face.
Calm, focused and confident/ cocky body language
I said so you just got to do that hair flip thing, and here's the focus and start practicing doing it, it made him laugh, it made him smile, but every time he did it, it changed his state, it changed his state. Because emotion comes from motion. There are specific motions in you that create different feelings in other people. So you've got to know the buttons of your own state. Once you know that, you can fire them off at will and your state changes like that! So we practiced it for about an hour and a half, he went out the next week and won, he won the second weekend, he won the third weekend, he lost the fourth weekend. But within 6 months he was back to #1 in the world. And he gave me unbelievable credit. Maybe too much, maybe not. Because he had the ability, the talent, and the skill, but I was showing him what to do to bring it back right now in this moment. It's not how smart you are, its how smart you are right now! It's not how loving you are, its how loving you are right now! Your ability to trigger this now, is the greatest gift in the world. So I want you to have that, so let's do a little test, stand back up and grab a partner. How many of you would like to know your buttons that put you into a strong state? Well the way you'll find them is by making a contrast, a comparison between two extreme states.
Chunking = Organizing
Here's what I tell you: you want to know what chunking is, chunking to me is how to turn a lot into a little.We either chunk the areas of our life into too big of things or too small of things. Most people take a little and turn it into a lot. When you chunk things too big, you think about what its going to take to do something, usually it takes a lot and you're not going to want to do it.
Another reason someone doesn't exercise and do anything is because they chunk it into too many details. When people do this, there are too many things to consciously focus on at once so we become overwhelmed by information. When massive information is coming at you, you become overwhelmed. Most of us are great deletion creatures, we delete most of life. Right now there are millions of things around you, that you could be focusing on, giving meanings to, making decisions about what to do. Millions.
Science has proven that the human brain consciously can only handle 5-9 things at once. Exercising, if you aren't doing it, you're turning it into a lot. If you do it regularly, you are turning something very important into just a few things that you do. It's really just as many things as what you focus on. Right? And when you are doing something and you're focusing on the outcome and why its important to you, the how am I going to do it, is easy when those first two steps are done. The first valuable thing about chunking is when you take it out of your head and put it on paper, whether it be an electronic paper or a physical paper.
When you do this, you will have done yourself a great favor. Because in your head you tend to repeat things over and over, you have a hard time organizing it. And the reason is, you're using words in your head and images and sounds. Now if you can take all of these thoughts and words and you can put them into a picture, a picture is worth a thousand words. You just chunked your life instantly better.
The first step I teach in RPM is that you need a capture system. We need a way to just capture those great ideas or those recurring thoughts and get it out of our head.
You need a place where all your thoughts can go and you can read them with easy access. A notebook or planner is best because you don't have to worry about the internet not working and the time it takes for the computer to load. Second step is once we've captured all these things this is what it looks like to my brain when I've write down everything. My brain goes: I've got to do this, that, this....
So let me tell you what RPM does. You look at these things and say, okay there are all these things that are important. I've said they're important. I need to take all this random stuff that makes me crazy and stressed and find some patterns. Because our brains love patterns, patterns give us certainty. This is before I figure out what to do, I've got to figure out, does this relate to something I want. He's lost what he wants in his list. So you go hmm...this thing I've got to do this thing make money here, donate here, this, this and that.
I've just taken sixteen things that I had to focus on and turned them into 2 things to focus on. My relationships this week and making progress on the economic side. I'm oversimplifying. This creates certainty from pattern recognition.
The 6 Human Needs
http://greatthinking.net.au/_blog/Great_Thinking_Blog/post/6_Human_Needs_-_Tony_Robbins/
1. Certainty
All human beings crave a certain level of safety, assurance and predictability in our lives, for this is the foundation of our most basic behavior: survival. When things are VERY uncertain, we tend to be freaked out! Which causes us to reach for different vehicles of comfort such as friends/family, television, or alcohol. And once we’re at a level where we feel certain there are no more dangers, we can relax and actually focus on the other needs. Without certainty you are going to be stressed.
Our brain loves pattern recognition. When you recognize a pattern, you feel certain. Someone starts to look like that, I know what that means, someone starts to say that, oh I know what that means. When this and this occurs, I usually do that.
But there’s also the other end of the spectrum, where the need for certainty is entirely MET. Think about it, would you want to watch a basketball game if you already knew the score and everything that was going to happen in that game? Probably not, because that’s just freaking boring. Now everyone require different levels of certainty in their lives, for example my own need for certainty is very LOW compared to other. So if things get too predictable, I get BORED. Hence the reason why myself and many others like me seek our next need, which is in directly conflict with our first need.
2. Uncertainty
Another word for uncertainty is variety. We all need a change of scenery every now and then, watch a new movie, travel to a new country. For this is what makes life exciting because we DON’T know what to expect, but the uncertainty level is still tolerable enough that we know in the end the variety will bring us pleasure. Too much uncertainty will bring us fear (see FEAR), while not enough will cause boredom. So really the first two needs are pieces of the same pie, if my need for uncertainty is at 70%, then my need for certainty will only be at 30%.
3. Significance
Deep down, we all need to feel that we are important, unique, and special, and this can be manifested in many ways. One vehicle for people is by becoming high achiever, because having those distinctions makes people feel important. But along the need for importance, a poor vehicle some people use is by putting down others, for that makes them feel like they are better than another. Another popular vehicle is acting/dressing in a eccentric way, many people take pride in being different and unique for that’s what fulfills their need for significance. BUT if we strive for TOO much significance and uniqueness, we end up totally different than everyone else which violates our very next need.
4. Connection
We all strive for a level of connection with our peers, whether that be in terms of a friendship or intimate relationship. The core of all human connections are based on similarities or sameness with one another, but if we are too busy being significant we rarely feel connected or similar to someone else. Hence again, the need for significance and connection is sharing the same piece of the pie. If our need for connection is NOT being met, we feel alone and disjointed from people. But if it’s met entirely, we no longer feel different or unique from other, hence losing our own identity and violating our need for significance. This reminds me of the lifelong/ childhood question: should I fit in with society? The answer is to never fit in to society for the sake of "fitting in" and feeling connected to everyone. We need to connect with people who share our passions and virtues. If you aren't getting enough connection, then you must go out there and find it because we can't tell people what to like and not like (also see PEOPLE WHO INFLUENCE YOU).
5. Growth
Everything is either growing or dying, there’s no in between. And human beings are no exception, we must feel like we are constantly growing in our lives. Many people’s goal is to reach a certain financial target, or style of life, but when they get there, they become stagnant. While others might envy what these people have or achieve, they themselves are unhappy because their not growing anymore. They’ve reached the plateau, and there are no more mountains to climb. But we all NEED something to strive for, something that’ll challenge us to grow and take our lives to the next level.
6. Contribution
Aside from ourselves, we all desire to make a difference and contribute to the greater good. In essence, Philanthropy is a universal need for everyone, it DOESN’T depend on the person, for everything must serve a purpose in the big ecosystem. So we as human beings all have a deep desire to contribute outside of ourselves, whether that’s manifested in the friendship circle, community, society, or country as a whole.
People Who Influence You
I think that peoples' lives are a direct representation of their peer group. What does that mean? Your peer group is anybody around you that you respect and you give them emotional power. What they think and what they feel affects you. You want them to like you, so at some level whether you're aware of it or not consciously, it affects you. This reminds me of the lifelong/ childhood question: should I fit in with society? The answer is to never fit in to society for the sake of "fitting in" and feeling connected to everyone. We need to connect with people who share our passions and virtues. If you aren't getting enough connection, then you must go out there and find it because we can't tell people what to like and not like. If we choose to be like society's norms and try to fit in too much we lose our sense of significance and we become stressed, depressed, and ironically angry at society for making us this way. Haha so ironic, since we chose to fit in to society in the first place!
We all strive for a level of connection with our peers, whether that be in terms of a friendship or intimate relationship. The core of all human connections are based on similarities or sameness with one another, but if we are too busy being significant we rarely feel connected or similar to someone else. Hence again, the need for significance and connection is sharing the same piece of the pie. If our need for connection is NOT being met, we feel alone and disjointed from people. But if it’s met entirely, we no longer feel different or unique from other, hence losing our own identity and violating our need for significance.
But its people that you care about what they think or what they feel (even if you say you don't). We all care at some level. Who are those people that are here for you? That's your peer group. And your life will be a direct representation of your peer group. Here's the challenge, what if you have a higher expectation for your life than the people you surround yourself with? Higher expectation for what you want in your life, for you passion, joy, love, higher expectation of what you want to accomplish, higher expectation of what you want to feel, or spirituality, whatever it is. Well now you have a conflict. Because now what will happen is, when you have a higher expectation than your peer group, your peer group who does really care about you, will pull you back down to their level. Notice why lots of people gossip about celebrities on their stupidity? These people make themselves feel better in this way because all we have to do to feel better about ourselves is to look at someone else's life and say, "wow look at those losers, my life is amazing compared to them." So we feel better about ourselves in the moment and we think to ourselves, "haha since my life is so great, why improve or grow? I'm doing great the way I am right now." But we must keep growing and progressing in all areas of our life. Because what isn't growing, is regressing. But when it comes to discussing the success and growth of others, people are hesitant and even somewhat disgusted, because they know deep down they are not utilizing their full potential; instead of embarking on the challenging road to success, they settle for average and just merely good (see EFFORT vs. REWARDS). So its not because your peers are trying to pull you down, but because they don't want to lose you. So they say, "come on, don't be so serious, don't be working all the time, come on relax, geez what's the matter with you?" And they will find ways to undermine what's going on. Not because they don't love you, but because they do love you. Because unconsciously they say, "oh my god, you might change, grow, or expand, what would that mean to me, I might be left behind." And most of us want love so much at an unconscious level (some of us on a conscious level), we want acceptance so much, that through time gradually over the years we lose what our dreams are, we lose our expectations. And what we once thought was a "must" is not interesting anymore, it's not even a should. Or maybe its a "should" someday if it all comes together.
RPM = Results, Purpose, Massive Action Plan(MAP)
If we don't discipline ourselves through a ritualized, concrete, written out system, then what gets our focus? Something we are afraid of, something that gives us pain. This is because society rewards negative results. Ever notice how people give consolation, care, and understanding when you are depressed or sad, but are somewhat disconnected when you are happy and successful. We bring out everyone for a funeral, but not as many people are there when you reach the top. Its because excellent and outstanding achievement is a point few people reach.
The second thing that gets our focus is when we don't pay attention, something that will give us pleasure. "You know I'm feeling so stressed out, that chocolate is looking good. Oh you know what I'm going to get my coffee, and use the cream and the sugar to escape for a few moments." Because the focus in our lives is "how to feel good." Extensive studies have been done where activating the pleasure system in mice brains will make them go for that pleasure no matter how much pain they must endure to get to it.
The third thing that gets our focus is other people's demands.
See its not necessarily that there are more demands, its just that we are accessible to more demands, and if you don't know what you want, and you don't know why its a must for you to achieve it, and you don't have a plan, I can promise you something, you're going to fit into everyone else's plan. And you're going to wonder why you are stressed, and you are going to wonder why you're not fulfilled.
Review
The RPM Method is a results-focused, purpose-driven, massive action plan. Focusing by way of RPM means answering these questions:
1) What do I really want? Have a result you’re totally focused on, because whatever you focus on, you will continuously get to.
2) What’s my purpose? Know your purpose that will move you emotionally. Whichever emotions we use are going to determine what we do. If apathy is your emotion, then you’re going to ignore things. Whatever emotion is inspiring you is going to determine where you go.
3) What do I need to do? The arrow that gets you to your target is your actions, your MAP, your Massive Action Plan. When you write all your actions, you may decide some are more important than others. You may decide some aren’t necessary. But at least you have a place to look at them when it’s related to something that really matters to you.
If you can answer these three questions for yourself, you can achieve anything you want, but the sequence is critical. In fact, even if you can only do the first two, you’ll achieve more than 90% of the people around you. You’ll have opened doors within yourself, and once you step through them, you’ll find a MAP that takes you in the direction you’re going. You’ll know it when it happens, because you’ve already laid the groundwork by honestly examining your desires and your motives. For the lazy person it’s never a discipline problem: it’s more about having impotent goals, goals that have no power to move you in any shape or form. Very often in life, our value system, what we consider important, is not based on what we really value. It’s based on a habit of decisions made, how we continue to direct our focus. Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear or don’t want.
What is time? How do you know when its a long time or how do you know when its a short time? Its not because its 10 minutes, or 10 hours. We've all had the experience where hours flew like minutes and minutes seemed to take hours. So what is time? Time is emotion, what you are really managing is emotion, another word for that would be meaning, or fulfillment.
Focus is power, but you've got to take it. Take it back, take back that power. And you've got to know when you do have that focus how to chunk it, how to group it so you're not overwhelmed (this is exactly what I'm doing with this post). If you have strong enough reasons, you could figure out the time, couldn't you? So the biggest part of time management is knowing what you want and having enough reasons to follow through. But there is one more piece. If you make enough reasons to follow through and you know what you want, but you make the task overwhelming, you'll be overwhelmed. What you focus on you feel, what you feel you are moved, to somehow actuate. But if you only focus on what you don't want, or what's stressful in your life, what you can't control, or what you screwed up on in the past, you're not going to get where you want to be.
What could be more important than living the life you want to live than experiencing the things that bring a smile to your face just thinking about them? This is the essence of RPM. When you know what you want and why you want it, the doing becomes easier and easier. And you’re not doing anything under stress and duress. You’re doing it with joy, because it’s what you want to do, and you know where you’re headed.
It’s maximizing your results and your fulfillment simultaneously because you’re not just achieving something, you’re fulfilled emotionally. You’re achieving the vision you created, and you have the emotions you want most attached to it. An extraordinary life is not something selected for the lucky few. It’s our birthright as human beings. It’s yours for the asking. It’s yours for the taking. 
Ritualize Your Positive Actions
We are defined by our rituals; if we do something for a few minutes each day we change our life forever. Once you start taking massive action on the area you are trying to improve at, make it a ritual to do it every day. Keep pushing yourself to progress and grow. Just like the weightlifter who keeps improving his strength, he/she must consistently increase the weight to gain more muscle strength. Most people mistake movement for achievement. They mistake action items and "to do's" for achievement. We're after the achievement. It's a different way of thinking, and I think all of you inherently have it, but if you make this ritualized, just like the other things you've learned this week, they're all great, but if you don't learn to systematize them, they'll only work when you do them.
It's not what you get that makes you happy, it's who we become. And what we're able to give because we become more. That sense of contribution creates the deepest meaning. That's what makes us feel alive. So here's my assignment for you.
What's an area of your life right now that you really want to improve? What's important to improve? If your body's great, what about your career? If your career is great, what about your relationships? Intimate ones especially, with your kids, or your creator (spiritual side of life), or is it your finances? Figure an area that really matters, decide on that area.
#1: Write down what you life is like in that area as specifically as possible (Generalities will confuse you). So you might say, "I'm 13.5 pounds overweight," "I wake up exhausted in the morning," "I'm not in a relationship, I say I want a relationship, but I'm not in one and I don't seem to find one, all the good ones seem to be gone is my belief. And I really do want one, but I don't have it" Whatever your definition is etc. So write the truth of where you are right now, so you're clear.
#2 This is where you've got to be really honest with yourself. What are the rituals that put me there? Because whatever results you're getting, even if you don't like the results, there are some rituals that are keeping you in that place. There are some rituals of how you eat or don't eat, how you move or don't move, how you study or don't study, how you sleep or don't sleep, what you study or don't study, there are some rituals in the lack of variety or spice or focus in an area. There's something you're doing, and it's usually not one thing, it's a bunch of little things that you kind of do consistently, whenever you think about getting into a relationship, whenever you think about working out, whenever you think about money, you get yourself into a state of overwhelm, you start thinking about things you can't control. Just write down all the rituals you have and then write down...
#3 What do you want? What is your vision? And be really specific, "I want to be my fighting weight; I want to be the strongest I've ever been;" whatever it is, be specific.
#4 Last step, what are the rituals that would get you there? What would you need to do differently each morning if you were going to be full of that kind of energy, that kind of strength? How often would you workout? What days would you workout? What times? A ritual is something you do consistently usually at a specific time so it becomes automatic.
Let me tell you something, willpower doesn't last, but rituals can last a lifetime. We are creatures of habit and we constantly repeat what we say, do, and think. Remember what Sean Foley said about how his wife could talk about everything that he was saying in his interview. Also remember the example about how we travel the same way to work every day. I bet you have some rituals in your life right now that you've been doing for years. Even though some of them don't serve you, I'm just saying wake yourself up. If you want a new year and a new life, you don't need to start on January 1st. Start today, and just begin to see what happens, and begin to see how easy it is to just do a few little rituals. Don't do them all, just do two or three new things. And you know what happens, you'll get momentum. Because once you discipline yourself in one area of your life, you feel yourself doing it in other areas as well. I always say something that my original teacher taught me, Jim Rohn. There are always two pains in life: there's the pain of discipline, or the pain of regret. And discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs tons. You don't want to have regret.
"No one has a higher demand on themselves than I have on me. I don't compete with other people, I compete with what the best I can possibly be. Because if I compete with other people, I'm only gonna push myself so hard." -Michael Jordan
If every day you demanded more from yourself than anyone else could expect of you, if it wasn't the standards of what other people think, but the standards of what you are capable of, if that was the "must" for you not the "should," then would you eat differently every day? If you came home tired, yet you still had that must that you exude love and passion to your spouse or friend every day and have a higher standard on yourself than your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse could ever imagine. If that was the standard for yourself, how would you show up on a daily basis in your relationship? People who are the best at an area of life have those standards.
(20:53) One of the things that changes your life is when you think you've hit your highest standard, what makes life never the same again is when you literally decide that there is a higher standard for you. When you decide there is more, and that's a conscious decision. You see it in an athlete when there's nothing physically inside of them it appears, and no one else expects it from them, but they reach down inside and they step up. And you can just see it, its determination. Its will, its faith, its courage, its passion. You may have other ways of languaging what you want, but what you're hoping for are those core feelings. Those core feelings are things that you can have in a heartbeat, you just must exert them. But it starts with even the way you move.
I want you to think about constantly raising the standard, because if you are in life in a position where you do a poor job at something, and that's your standard. You know on a regular basis you don't even do a good job, you're pretty poor at it. In life if you do a poor job what kinds of results do you get? Poor. That's what I used to think too, if you did a poor job you got poor results, that makes sense. But that's not how life is rigged. If you do a poor job, you get no rewards. If you do a poor job, you get the door. If you do a poor job too often you're outta here, you get downsized, rightsized, outsourced. Isn't that true? You do a poor job in a relationship, that person's not going to stick around. You do a poor job with your kids, they end up in jail. Poor=pain, poor there are no rewards for poor. It's not an equal deal poor job does not equal poor rewards.
Now the next level of standards is a huge jump, way up here to something called good. Now when you do a good job at something, what kind of rewards do you get? Some of you say good rewards. No that's wrong. I tell you what happens to me every day of my life. I get stopped every single day of my life by at least a dozen people and they tell me incredible stories about how their life has changed, but they'll say something like, "Mr. Robbins," and they're really serious, and you can see some pain and they go, "you know, I watched you on t.v. and I thought that if i ever met you i'd ask you this question: I'm really a good man, but how come my wife left me?" or and its heartbreaking, she'll say, "I'm really a good wife, why did my husband leave me?" or "I really care about my kids, how come they hate me? How come my kids are on cocaine?" And it tears me up inside because I care so much about people, and I can't tell them what the truth is. The truth is, you did a good job. And that's the problem. Because when you do a good job, what kind of rewards do you get? Poor. So the bottom line is, most people here are trying to do a good job, and most people here are really good. I was a good man, and I was fat, I was overweight, and in the emotional sense I was broke, financially I was broke, spiritually I was wiped out, and I was a good guy. And I was so frustrated because I said I was good. You gotta know good's not good enough.
Now when you do an excellent job at something, what kind of rewards do you get? Haha, good rewards. And you know, that really annoys you doesn't it? Have you ever achieved a goal, you went for it you achieved it, you made it happen, and then you went, "is this all there is?" It's kind of like a depressing moment isn't it? Because you worked so hard for it, you achieved the goal and you're still not happy. That's because you were really excellent. See excellence means you're one of the best, you do an excellent job, you don't just do good and you're certainly not poor for God's sakes, so therefore you should have bigger rewards emotionally or financially or in your career or your relationship for being excellent right? Nope. You go there's nothing left in me, I've given my all. Nope, you've not given your all. There's that little piece that you haven't gotten to, and if you get to it, you get all the rewards. Because if this is poor, there's a huge jump to good, and a huge jump to excellence, and here's the good news: all the rewards are at the next level. And they are disproportionate, I mean they are like way beyond what you can imagine, and the good news is, they are about this much higher (inches) above excellence.
And that level right there, just a few inches above, is called outstanding! And when you are outstanding, when you stand out from all the rest, in your courage, in your commitment, in your passion, your persistence, love, dedication, skill set, in your whatever, you get all the rewards. And its unfair really, because you are only a little bit better than those who are excellent, but your rewards are a gazillion amount. It's just being outstanding on a consistent basis instead of being excellent. And that difference, by the way, is not usually a large skill difference, its a psychology difference, its a standard difference. It's what you hold yourself to. Did you watch the opening to the Olympics in Atlanta? When this little guy walks out, he's 97 years old, he's the oldest living gold medalist, and he walks out into the field and what happens. He walks out there and the whole stadium stands up and claps, the President cries, and I mean why? They don't even know who this guy is! It's because he was outstanding probably 40,50,60, 70 years ago. Think about it, that's what we value as outstanding in our culture.
A good example is Kerri Strug who injured her ankle catastrophically when the US looked as a cinch to win gold in the team all arounds (27:32). She then went out there and through the agonizing pain completed her vault to ensure the golf medal. If you felt emotion in that moment and you cried or felt celebratory, there's only one reason why, because in that moment, you recognize that part of you, that's what made you moved, you know there's that part of you that's outstanding.
If you cried, it may have been that you're not fully utilizing that power in you and you realize that. If you felt celebratory, you remember that for a moment what it feels like to engage that part of you. But that only happens by a decision. Because it wasn't skill that made her carry on and win, it was heart. And that's something you have total control of. If you'll push yourself beyond anything that you thought was available, lifting a weight, I mean how do you build a bicep? You've got to demand, you've got to put a huge demand on it consistently. You have to exercise it or it atrophies, but to grow a muscle, like really build it, you've got to take on something that's much harder, much more uncomfortable, not what you plan for, not what's comfortable for you. And if you make yourself do it, even though it's uncomfortable, and you do it again and again, you get growth because as you make a demand, the muscle expands. So is true with a muscle called passion. The more you demand of it, the more it'll expand.
If I'm going to do ten curls, which one of those will I want to do the least? #10. Which one gives me 90% of the growth? #11. Good people do ten, when ten is what's asked of them, excellent people usually do 10 and a little half, outstanding people always do more than what's expected of them (so 11 or more) because they're not doing it for someone else, they're doing it for what they know they are capable of. It's when you feel like you don't have an ounce left that you make yourself do it, that's when all of your life changes. So imagine you've come to the mental, emotional, and spiritual gym. I'm respectful of whatever you believe, whatever you believe I say, practice it. But spirituality is not just religion, its the way you live your life. So if you entered the physical, emotional, and spiritual gym then what you'd be there for is to push yourself harder than ever before, because if you go in that gym and you just hang out, you're going to get exactly what you put into this gym (30:21).
Change
So remember this, change is never a matter of ability, it's always a matter of motivation. Change will come naturally once you are in peak state of mind and you have the daily rituals to back it up. Change is never a matter of ability, its always a matter of motivation, or drive! Having strong enough reasons.
Most people make it much worse than it is. It takes no guts, no courage to be a pessimist. To say its not gonna work, to find out whats wrong. I'm not into positive thinking, I'm into intelligence. And intelligence says, "see it as it is, don't make it worse than it is." People say all the time, "my problem is that I'm big boned." No you're fat, tell the truth! What is this big boned story, you know? The only way it gets better is if you see it as it is, don't make it worse than it is. Don't try to make its so its impossible to change. That's not true, that's not true at all. The second mandate to change anything in your life, to believing in your life, is once you see it as it is not worse than it is, then you gotta see it better than it is. Because that's the thing that's missing from most relationships, there is no vision! Without a vision, people perish. And when a relationship has no vision for greater than where they are, that relationship is going downhill, if not destroyed. I believe that every relationship, every part of life, every part of human beings needs a compelling future. --the key to motivation. Today can be tough, but if the future is compelling, we can get there.
And that's what every leader does. Everyone one of you are leaders and your job is to help people see it as it is not worse than it is, to help people create a compelling future, see it better than it is, so there's a reason to give it my all again, otherwise there is just no juice, there's just no energy, they'll go through the motions, complain with each other, not believe its going to work and nothing will change.
Finally the third step that we all gotta do if we are gonna change our life or anybody else's is make it the way we see it. And that's where strategy comes in. I've tried to take things that are complex and make them as simple as possible. I've noticed that most people in the psychological world try to make it as complex as humanly possible. Because it makes us feel so sophisticated when we talk with all these complex words and elements and so forth and we've got our degrees and we're somebody. But that doesn't help anybody. I look for a nickel word to get to the heart of something. I've tried to take something complex and make it simple, so people will really go and apply it and that's the focus here.
The Process/ Path to Success
So if you know your outcome/ result in mind "R", you've got your purpose/ reasons for taking action "P," you're taking massive action "M" [RPM (Results, Purpose, Massive Action)], you're noticing/ paying attention to your results, what happens if you notice its not working? You're taking action, but you're not getting closer to your outcome. What's the obvious fifth step? The fifth step is to change your approach.
- Know your outcome/ result in mind "R"
- Know your purpose/ reasons for taking action "P"
- Take massive action "M"
- Notice/ pay attention to your results
- If you succeed, congratulations it's party time! If not there yet, change your approach/ strategy(s)
If what you're doing, what you're acuity says is not working, change it. Now what happens if you change your approach and its still not working, then what would you do? Change your approach. And what if that doesn't work what do you do? Change it!!! And what about after that it doesn't work? Change it!!! And what if that doesn't work what do you do? Change it!!! And what if that doesn't work what do you do? Change it!!! And what if after all that, it still doesn't work, what do you do? Change it!!! How many times? Until you find out what works!!! Do not say to yourself: I've tried everything. That's bull. If you'd have tried everything, you'd have what you want.
"Well I haven't tried everything, but I've tried millions of things."
"Millions? Number them, name them."
"well, maybe tens of thousands."
"Tens of thousands?! name a thousand."
"Well...maybe 100"
Name me 100"
"well, maybe I tried these two things over and over again that don't work."
*laughter*
But when we start saying that I've tried everything, we incant that don't we? We make that an incantation and we believe. And instead of trying everything, we just give up. But that's garbage! its not true! We haven't tried everything otherwise we would have succeeded! Let me ask you a question: How long would you give your baby to learn how to walk? Before you shut them off and didn't let them try anymore. You're saying, "are you crazy?! My kid is going to keep trying until he or she can walk." Magic formula! When you were a kid, you'd do whatever it takes no matter if you fall down multiple times. When you are an adult, you try something and say: "did anybody see that? I'm never doing that again!" And you lose all your power. So this is the ultimate success formula, it comes down to what you want, knowing why you want it, taking massive action, noticing if its working, and changing your approach until you get it! That's it. Anyone who succeeds, does this. They may not call it Robbin's ultimate success formula, but I guarantee they did it.
Its not what happening right now, or what's happened in the past that determines what you become, rather its your decisions you make on what to focus on, what does this mean to you, and what you're going to do that will determine your ultimate destiny (20:09). Know that if anyone is enjoying greater success in any area, its because they are making these three decisions differently from you in some way. And when we don't make these decisions consciously, when we don't take control of them ourselves, we pay a major price.
In fact most people live by what i call the "Niagra syndrome." Think of life as a river. Many people just jump into the river of life without ever really deciding where they want to end up. So they quickly get caught up in the current: current events, current fears, current challenges, and when they come to those forks in the river, they don't consciously decide where they want to go.
They go with the flow of the river! And they become the mass of people directed by the environment, instead of by their own values. As a result they feel out of control. Why? Because their decisions about what to focus on, what things mean, and what to do are being unconsciously directed by the environment. And they remain in this constant state until one day the rage of the water wakes them up and they discover they are five feet from Niagra falls in a boat with no oars, and at this point they say, "Oh crap." But by this point it's too late. They are gonna take a fall.
And this fall may take the form of a financial setback, or maybe the failure of a relationship or health problem. But whatever it may be, understand that its likely that whatever challenges you have in your life presently could have been avoided by some better decisions upstream. That's why it's best to kill the monster when it's a baby. A great example of this is cramming for finals when you should have just learned the material along the way.
Now how to we turn things around when we are caught up in the momentum of a raging river? Either make a decision to put both oars in the water and start paddling like crazy in a new direction or decide to plan ahead. Set the course for where you really want to go, and have a plan or a map so you can make quality decisions along the way.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Part of what we want to accomplish here as leaders is that we want to be practical psychologists. We want to understand whats really going on, so we can help, so we can make a difference, so you can transform, so yes of course you can do better in your business, because the more you understand about what people need and want the greater you're gonna be, the better manager, the better leader, the better mom or dad, the better friend, and there's a better you available when you understand whats driving you. Most of us are running patterns over and over again. And we want to free that up. To free it up, we've got to break the pattern, we've got to do things that are different.
No comments:
Post a Comment